Emotional HealthHappinessSocial Health

Love Languages

How many love languages do you speak fluently ? Are you communicating in the language from which your partner desires to feel loved?

I met my husband through eHarmony. We fell in love and now are enjoying our 12th year of marriage. I thank God and eHarmony each day for bringing us together. So, I am grateful for all of the new tech ways to communicate and “connect”.  Although we met and initially connected on social media, our relationship grew and flourished because we actually spent time together. We talked constantly, sharing our hopes and dreams until we became “best friends”.  As we visited, we found so many common interests and beliefs that we couldn’t wait to spend more time together. We were connected in raising our children, living life to it’s fullest, and striving after our dreams.

Our relationship was built on common adventures we experienced together. Some would better be described as challenges (6 specific challenges to be truthful) and some of the adventures were amazing trips to beaches, ballgames, mountains, museums, and a myriad of other places (did I mention beaches). Sometimes, our adventures were with the 6 challenges that tested our skills of patience and creativity.  Our connections with each other bonded us together.

During all of those experiences, we communicated verbally and non-verbally. We listened to what each other had to say and did not under-value the other’s thoughts because they didn’t agree with our own.

Allowing each other to freely express our ideas without fear of repercussion is a major reason we have been able to stay together all these years. Sometimes, I just let my husband be wrong, and he forgives me when he finally discovers I was right about the subject all along. Of course, he was right about a few things throughout the years also, especially when he agreed with me. 🙂

It is vital to nurture your close relationships with your spouse, family members and best friends.  Meaningful communication and enjoyable experiences will enhance these relationships.  The quality of these relationships depends on shared experiences demonstrated through the languages of real love.  If you are not aware that there are multiple languages of LOVE, check out Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages”.  Champman basically explains that different people feel love more when it is expressed in a specific language of love (such as touch, gifts, service). The book focuses on improving spouse and family relationships, but the same languages apply to communication with our circles of friends because we are all human. It’s a simple read, so get the book if you aren’t familiar.

Truly connecting with another person requires us to speak their language as all meaningful communication does. How do you know which language to use when building a lasting relationship with someone? Ask them. Perhaps not that directly, but ask them questions like: “When they felt the most loved in their life?”, “When were they the closest to another person?” , “How did they truly feel during that experience and what did they do to return love to the other person?”. Often people will use the love language they most desire when expressing their own love to others assuming “Why would anyone else prefer a different love language?”.

It is not crucial for each of you to speak the same love language. When you become aware and express your affection to your loved one using THEIR love language, your bond will be everlasting.

Connections can begin from almost anywhere with today’s technology. We don’t have to be right next to each other to build a strong bond. Which ever way we do connect to others, we should be sure to speak with the “Five Love Languages” and allow our friends to express their true feelings with unconditional love in response.  You probably won’t communicate as strongly with the love languages with good friends as you do with your spouse, but don’t hesitate to speak in the language that helps your friend feel the most love. If you have trouble discovering someone else’s love language, use all five languages and see which one allows them to feel genuinely loved.

I tell my husband to just practice loving me with all five because he never knows when I might change my favorite.

Be Happy,

Darla